writing minister

CHURCH is restarting!, said the radio. too bad i quit. i moved to a new region across the state, thought of how EVERY church girl rejected me, & how church makes you a Christian as much as a garage makes you a car. also, at the altar, God told me to make my rejectors history. 225 women have rejected me. on the way to the lake house, Dad said eve time he quits drugs his back starts bhurting very, very, very, very badly. only helped by drugs. 1990, i kicked him in the back as he abused Justin & pinched a nerve. 1999, drug dealers killed him. 2006, drug dealers killed Justin. Papa died a suspicious death looking for the drug dealer 2006 too. i told Dad to get aarrested bc i knew his dealers wouldn't stop supplying him, free. he said he couldn't. officer betty said everything prisoners get free they get imprisoned. in high school, i couldn't stop drinking bc i couldn't stop hanging with the drinkers. my very best buddies were most likely to succeed zee & salutatorian michael. in a minute, i'll blab about the homecoming court & cheerleading squad, which was crying in my icu room floor. all vanity! im saying i couldn't leave the world till i went through a car window. as i was in rehab, my friends were having the experiences i was supposed to be having. if i hadn't unbuckled & prayed for death. ive been writing about it 27 years! i was getting revenge on my lying granny at my 16th birthday party & Dad who DAILY wanted a truck payment. i was aslo upset i cou8dlnt afford college. nor could i afford a truck that didnt break down 7 daysa  week. i dream of being a cop, but i have a shunt. odd was Mom kissing step mom's cheek on her death bed. she had taken such good care of my daddy. also odd was the way my racist grandparents liked to watch me play with my black neighbors when i was in elementary & middle school. also odd, Dad bailing my step dad out jail. they then became great buddies. also odd, i had been in the Meeler's house next door. in my 30s, i learned that was my great papa's slave house! i got so mad! i was talking to 1 at church. he said he had mated with my best friend. i told him i could tell by the look in her eyes she wasn't a virgin in high school. he doubted me. we were bffs in the 12th grade. the preacher took my side. in high school, the look in girls' eyes told me if they weren't virgins. aamof, the girl who always took her break with me at work, 12th grade, her eyes told me she wasn't a virgin, i dreamed i was fined $45 for having a loaded gun in my car. when Dad said i had to drive a shiny sports car i COULD NOT AFFORD to date pretty girls, i stopped liking them & pretty girls is all i had, i broke down 7 daysa  week, pray for my pills to get mail delivered, as i played pool with my former neighbor, he went on & on how i was always hugging the cheerleading squad & homecoming court in the school hall, we were cheering being Seniors mainly, he was a Freshman, in a tbi meeting, my social worker confirmed to a girl crazy man, very, very, very, very temperamental, that the cheerleading squad & homecoming court were in my icu room floor, crying. she said she could tell by looking at them. but in high school, i excelled in Art & Agriculture, i even visiited my Ag teacher after i graduated & whiel i was in college my Art teacher said surely i was majoring in Art, i've always felt like an artist just like i've always had same-sex attraction. aamof, God showed me He doesn't like proud women.